i am super pissed and irritated by myself, yes by myself. it`s always studies that`s bothering me, and i don`t understand why. don`t i have a life other than studying? but is not that i want other problems to come into my way. i know it`s like my own mindset that`s causing myself to get so irritated and bothered about this, but it`s just so freaking difficult to change lah. why must i get so freaking upset over the results that is not up to my satisfaction? why must i get so freaking disappointed with myself when i cannot perform? why must i get so freaking fed up when i can`t solve the questions? it`s getting crazy lah. and yes, this stupid wild thoughts are running through my mind after the e-math paper 2. i`ve fallen, because of my stupidity, my careless mistakes. i rather the paper was freaking difficult than to get myself invove with careless mistake. it is unforgivable, serious. why should i allow that few marks to fly away without even having them grown wings? i know this is a stupid description but i`m just trying to let off everything that`s in my mind. so if you think that this is getting ridiculous, kindly click on that [x] on the top right hand corner of your monitor. seriously, i hate careless mistakes. it is not as if i can`t get that idiotic question right, and secure that few marks lah. throughout this education journey of mine, i made umpteens calreless mistake and it is time to put it to a stop. and i just can`t do it. so i doubt i can make it into the first three months. you may think why should i get so pissed and bothered with my careless mistakes, but yes it`s getting onto my nerves and i`m fcuked up. or perhaps upset too. i wonder why should i get through all these unhappiness over studies. studies are supposed to be the most enjoyable part in life, but each time when i`ve only started to enjoy that tiny single bit, i fell. that`s why i always believe, the higher you aim, the heavier you fall. so what, my efforts have all gone into waste. i know that is a misconception in life, but i can`t help it. i know that i`m not perfect, that`s why i made mistakes but i can`t help it. argh! i realise i`ve grumbled quite a lot, whatever. i had better put i stop here.
i`m going out tmr to shop with waimun. yes, to fa xie. i need to fa xie, i need to enjoy. and i`m going for my cousin`s chalet during the weekend. i shall brush off all the rubbish that`s in my mind and enjoy. yes, enjoy. and perhaps dinner with my mummy tmr. she initially wanted to spent 3/4 of the afternoon with me, but i`m *oops going to spend with waimun instead. feel kind of bad, but i believe she will understand.
damn, i feel like pinching don`s cheeks now.
9/14/2006 12:50:00 PM
Just a little update.
Another 4 more days and prelims will be over. Woohoo! Kind of fast, but it`s great! Physics was a gone case, Chemistry was "can you pleaseeeeeeee show the time?", was left with 10 minutes and there was still 10 marks blanked. I`m praying hard that my careless mistakes won`t pull me down for Mathematics (but I`m very sure there are careless mistakes already =x, I didn`t have the time to check through). Aiyoh, SBQ seriously sucks lah (I`m sure Huidan agrees, hahas).
I shall not brood over these papers anymore although sometimes I wake up feeling worried cause I thought that I did badly for my previous paper. Worse till, I can start thinking of solutions to the paper when it`s already over. -.-" I bet I went crazy with studying. Hahas.
Only when you understand then you will enjoy studying. I realised this while preparing for the papers. LOL. I`m starting to enjoy studying, BUT not for the case for Physics. Don`t think I`m mad, cause I must be crazy. (:
Well, yesterday I brought my grandmother back from the clinic then she was telling me that she`s fan nao. Joel, being a silly girl actually told her not to fan nao when I myself knew that it is totally impossible. But still, I didn`t want her to think so much and just focus on taking care of her health. You must be strong ah ma! Aiyah, I just knew that I was starting to think and think after I reached home, with that suan suan feeling in me. =x. And I HATE that feeling, who likes it anyway.
Ting ma ma de hua is a lovely song~. It`s cute and meaningful and whees~. Okay, I`ll just say that the whole album is great. Bai se feng che, tui hou, xin yu, blah blah blah, fantastic. It`s a pity if you failed to listen. Hahas. If I`m not wrong the October teenage cover page is Jay, AND there`s Junyang too. i`m killing two birds with one stone. Whees~!
I`m striving for my prelim, and I shall learn to enjoy the process. But I still believe the higher you aim, the heavier you fall. Perhaps after all the experiences I`ve gone through, this thought in me can never change. =x. I`ll strive.
14.09.06 It`s another month! (: This time round I didn`t forget ;)
There`s no paper tomorrow. Hoho! Additional day to study for Biology! Great!
I`m off to study my Biology. Byebye for now. Take care people!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
9/06/2006 01:34:00 PM
Hello people! So how was your "holiday"? I think I sleep more than I study. Hahas. I manage to get at least 8 hours of sleep for the past few days, well, actually more than that. Hahas. I love my bed, wheeets. I did study too OK, prelim is just 1 day, 2 days, 3 days, 4 days away. Come to think of it, scary~. Recently, I keep pondering on what is the definition of hardworking. Anyone out there knows? Anyway, it`s a stupid timing to think about such stuffs now, but as you see, Joel is keeping her brain juices working! (crap).
So this is what I do whenever I get real bored from studying. Grab any stationery nearby and start scribbling. Pardon my not-at-all-artistic drawings. Hahas. But I shall not define this as scribbling, I was concentrating to get it as artistic looking as possible. Of course, I failed to do so. Hahas.
Oh yar, there`s a food stall that I will never ever visit in Ang Mo Kio. Trust me, I was freaked out and seriously disgusted. There were so many disgusting and freaky cockroaches crawling out from the rubbish bin nearby and from the food stall! Although those are baby cockroaches, it is still as disgusting lah. And the stall holders were cleaning the stall, guess what, the dirty water with soap was splashed onto the food! Argh!
I can`t stand it when people use the basketball to scare people. Hello, please don`t insult the sport lah. If you want to play, play it nicely. I don`t see the joy when you people laugh your ass off because you manage to scare someone using a basketball. Hello?! Fun meh? Interesting meh? Not at all leh. -.-"
Daddy just bought a new TV again. Hahas. I wonder why this time round he was so on into getting a new TV. Whatever the case, there`s TVs available for me to watch.
Yummy tasty waffle with ice cream! (:
Hahas. (:
Okay, got to go take the clothes out from the dryer and off I`ll go to meet Waimun. Till then, see you people again!
Shiyun and I.
All I want now is good results. Grant me that please. Somehow I`m still not prepared for the worse. What will my day be like tomorrow? Give me a few more days of smiles please. Yes, I`m worried. =x